Why It’s Important to Tell Your Children You Have a Mental Illness.

As a teenager, I developed anorexia. I had no idea it was a mental illness or what hell would ensue. I was so naive to these conditions, and it was quite a shock when it happened.

After a very damaging and traumatic few years in an adult acute psychiatric unit at the mercy of the illness, I vowed that if I made it through, I would write about it to help others. I figured that no young person should ever be about to end their life in a dingy toilet cubicle or praying for death each day due to extreme self-loathing, anxiety, and hateful views of oneself.

It took many years to become ‘normal’, whatever that is. Once I had finished therapy, inpatient and outpatient treatments, and ended all medications, I felt I was finally mentally fit and ready to take on the world.

I was very lucky as I took all my negatives and consciously turned them into huge positive outcomes. I spent years in the library borrowing psychology books, trying to figure out my own brain and why it had spent years trying to destroy me. Each day was a new revelation.

I grew in strength physically as well as mentally. I became very self-aware. I started transcendental meditation to control any anxious thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, it was not easy and took many years, but finally, in my mid-thirties, I felt liberated for the first time in my life from control and self-doubt. It was an incredible feeling.

I suddenly felt content for the first time since about the age of 12. It was wonderful. I was able to take ownership of everything I believed in that I had no confidence to say or do before.

The biggest thing it gave me was the ability to be honest with my children for the first time in their young lives. I felt it was time to tell them about my anorexia and what I had been through. It was the most important thing for me to do, as without knowing where I had been, they would not fully know me as a person—flaws and all.

So I sat them down one day and started my story. The most incredible thing happened—they hugged me, and I could see in their eyes they did not care at all. It did not affect how they saw me or taint their love for me as their mum. It was such a wonderful, freeing moment for me. Children’s love is unconditional.

What I told them, in their eyes, was simply information about me and would have no major impact on the way they looked at me. But what it did do, which I wanted, was open their eyes to others suffering from mental illness and how no one should ever judge or be stigmatised.

They also suggested I write about it to help others, which was something I had always wanted to do anyway. Their pure and untainted desire for me to share the story to make others feel better was so awe-inspiring.

Seconds To Snap was published in June 2015—to the biggest launch my local Waterstone’s had ever seen since Harry Potter! This showed me there is a huge need for information like this and that it is in high demand, offering hope to others suffering from this awful illness.

From my experience, being honest, open, and realistic with your children is best. It allows them to understand if you’re having a bad day and also gives them empathy and understanding of others they might meet throughout their lives.

Now all my children are very involved with the talks I’ve done across the UK. They know my story inside out and share it with their friends who are having a difficult time. On many occasions, they have given one of my books to a friend in the hope that it would help in some way. I’m incredibly proud of them all and all the people they have around them too.

It worked for me, and I hope it can help many others too.

Hugs,

Tina